Children Affected by Domestic Violence

At 3am Alina answered a call...

"Hello, Women's Crisis Centre, Alina speaking"

"I'm from the hospital, are you able to come and collect a family?...it's not safe for them here or to go home and they have nowhere else"

In the space of a few days, three mums with 11 children between them, plus another woman arrived at Alina's Women's Crisis Centre. All were victims of domestic violence.

Lydia and her three children ran away from the family home in the middle of the night and arrived at the Crisis Centre gates at 4am. She was in a terrible state having endured another beating the night before.

Masha is a 24 year old mum to two young girls. These children arrived extremely traumatised. Having told Alina her story and the situation she was in, it was clear her life was in imminent danger.

The phone call that Alina received at 3am concerned a pregnant mother and her six children who were in the hospital having escaped domestic violence. Volunteers from the clinic who'd made the call were keen to move her as soon as possible as they were aware her partner was already searching for her.

These mums had all sustained some very serious injuries. Black eyes, broken ribs and other broken bones. Another woman arrived having been badly beaten and her head had been shaved by her violent husband. By humiliating her in this way he believed no other man would look at her.

"I feel very angry at men who do this to women. This is the hardest aspect of my work", says Alina.

• We're so thankful that these women are currently safe - possibly for the first time in many years. But what effect has domestic violence already had on these 11 children?

• Because children are still developing, witnessing domestic violence will shape their understanding and views of the world and the people around them.

• In these environments, children don't have the luxury of consistency and routine or knowing that their basic needs will be met. The home becomes a place of secrecy and silence, closed from the world outside, which means they have no opportunity to develop and practise social skills, which affects their ability to form friendships.

• They will have lived with overwhelming tension and stress, delaying their physical and mental development. Going forwards, these children will suffer extreme anxiety and fear.

• There are a lot of traumatic things these children will have seen, coping mechanisms they will have developed, and behaviours they will have picked up from the victim, and sadly from the abuser too.

Domestic violence affecting children is a social issue that Dasha and her team are regularly up against through their youth group ministry.

From an early age, Timur saw the violence that his father showed to his mother. He would try to protect his mum by begging his dad not to hurt her, but for this, he received violence directed at him. For 10 years, this was his life, until mum gathered the courage to run away and come to the Women's Crisis Centre in 2020.

Because of what he'd been through, Timur did not communicate with anyone, he was closed and had no friends. He was angry at his mum because he could not direct those feelings towards his absent father. Timur also had an unhealthy interest in guns and fighting - he was an angry young boy.

The results of a 2011 study explain Timur's specific obsession. It analysed children brains; half had been exposed to violence, half had not. The study concluded that the brains of those exposed to violence formed neural pathways exactly the same as a person exposed to war, as well as someone who is suffering severe anxiety and depression.

Dasha has patiently worked through all Timur's difficulties during their one-to-one discussions. He has overcome his fascination with weapons and together they've made into something constructive by turning it into an interest in history. He now interacts and has real friends in the group, and he is learning to forgive those involved in the trauma of his former years. Now at 14 years old he is unrecognisable.

While we realise that talking about domestic violence is uncomfortable, it's important to share so that children like Timur have the chance to grow up free from its effects. Supporting a project like Legacy Lodge will help even more children recover and heal from difficult childhoods.

See more about Legacy Lodge